Betrayal of trust in a relationship

It began with small lies, which at the time, we let it slide. There were 2 reasons for this: one, we gave her (our domestic helper) the benefit of doubt and two, the implications were trivial. 
Yesterday, when I arrived home from work, my pregnant wife made me aware of her suspicion that our helper has been drinking. She observed that our helper was losing her motor coordination, had slurred speech and behaving very strangely "high" after coming back from grocery shopping. The alcohol smell from her breath and her body was becoming more obvious to us, yet when questioned, she repeatedly denied drinking. Connecting the dots backwards, we realized that this may not be the first time which then spurred us to dig deeper. The stakes were higher now as we have our first baby due very soon. A phone call to the local supermarket revealed and confirmed that our helper bought a small bottle of white wine worth around 11 Singapore dollars- the evidence we needed. At this point, her story changed from "didn't drink anything" to "Yes, I drink something,...I thought it was fruit juice". One lie after another. 
It is human nature to feel betrayed and hurt in this situation, as we did- at first. From a stoic point of view, Marcus Aurelius reminds us "reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears". We had to accept the fact that, there's no way to see from her lens of life, hence how could we understand the defiant lies or her lack of signs of conscience? 
When the lies continued, despite giving her multiple chances, we finally had to let her go as the implications of these lies were higher now. It's easy to get stressed about little things and to be too focused on our own issues but when things don't go as expected, welcome the opportunity to practice virtues of excellence in all situations.  

The classic Stoic thinking

An event itself is objective. It is neither good or bad, but our opinion makes it so. This makes it possible for us to choose our outcome. For some, their mental impulse is that of victim mindset and as a result suffer needlessly. The Stoics will choose acceptance as the way, and actively look for the blessing in disguise. Do not confuse acceptance with passive. It's an active process to make a positive experience; As my cousin would say with a smile, "be cool".

Step back into the flow of abundance

What separates the "Great" from the "Good"? The great are consistently focused and on purpose. The good get comfortable and distracted. The great do things right and do good things. The good may cut corners which often leads to backlash.
Have you been disappointed, dissatisfied or unhappy the last few months with your work performance (eg. property agent missing his/her targets, or an athlete unable to beat the opponent they did in the past with ease)? Do you find your current situation unacceptable? First thing to do is, "Don't Worry, Be Happy". This worldwide hit song by Bobby McFerrin reminds us that worrying about it is not going to turn the situation around, but 1 degree of change or even that slight mental pivot, could lead to stellar results. Many good people get comfortable and to various degrees, step into the stream of distraction. Have time for awareness and mindfulness so you can easily modulate the weighting of this distraction in your life, and quickly step back into the flow of abundance again where certainty, clarity, confidence and excellence resides. 

Amor fati (a love of fate)

From a young age, we desire for everything to happen exactly the way we wish it would. When it doesn't, the usual impulse is to get sad or angry, disappointed and even depressed. If you are feeling this state, ask yourself, 'What am I not accepting here?'. The stoics have a powerful tool whereby they simply accept what happens, allowing life to flow as it will. It's having the understanding and awareness that we don't have control of every event in this universe and choosing to find what they can be grateful about what has happened. The expression, amor fati (a love of fate) captures well the idea of accepting and loving everything that happens. Change your thinking, and you'll change your life!

Choose love, not hate

There may be certain situations in your life that the dominant impulse is for you to react or respond angrily, a bad habit that may have formed over many years. An example would be, always losing your temper when on the road with other drivers. This must be so common that people have coined the term, "road rage". The stoic thinker is aware that hate is not going to help the other driver, much less you. Hate is a negative emotion creating damaging physiological effects on your mind and body. Very unproductive and why experience that when you can avoid it? Alternatively, almost every situation is improved by choosing love, empathy and understanding.

Thoughts on money, time and energy

The amount of time and energy that we possess can determine the quality of our life and our relationships. Do you have enough time and energy to exercise? To read and learn? To spend quality time with your partner or your kids? To travel and explore the magnificence of this world? Time and energy are truly valuable because look at money...can be made and lost...time can never be made! Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time. A wealthy dad once said, "scrape, save, and invest". That is, go from working for money to money working for you. This will allow you to have more "time", and as a bonus you get more energy! Conversely, a person may be monumentally rich, but have very little time, poor health and failing relationships.

Words can never be unsaid

The stoics are aware that our words can have a powerful impact and influence on an individual. When arising from proper impulses, our words could serve to uplift, inspire and make an indelible difference to a person's life. Alternatively, the words, especially negative and hurtful things could potentially damage the relationship with your partner (child, friend, colleague, parent,...) permanently. This is why in the book, The Four Agreements by, Don Miguel Ruiz, the first agreement is 'Be impeccable with your word'. Be kind, wise and good so that proper words arise from them because words can never be unsaid.

Stock market panic selling

The stock market moves up and down, and in the belief that they can somehow time the market, traders will jump in and out of shares. The truth is- many get it wrong, and experience an emotional roller coaster ride in the process. One characteristic that stoic investors have in common is their ability to have control of their emotions. If they did their homework and is invested in a great company, and the shares of this great company have fallen due to stock market panic selling, they'll simply add and accumulate more to their existing holdings rather than panic. History has shown that this is how successful investors have made their fortunes.

Invulnerable to dependencies

It's good to enjoy life's pleasures, like fine wine, Michelin-starred dining or business class travel- nothing wrong with that. However, we're not truly free if we're addicted or dependent on this, because the dependency would be in control of our lives. Can you try going without your smart phone for a day? How would that make you feel- vulnerable? Wouldn't it be much better to have the strength to resist and to be in control, rather than the dependencies controlling our emotions and lives?

What is greatness?

Greatness is the ability to close the gap between knowing what you want, going through the processes, overcoming obstacles, and ultimately achieving the desired end result. Anyone can get lucky and have an easy life. But it's much more admirable and impressive to see a person reach their destination through honesty, hard work and perseverance, despite been dealt a harder hand.

Nothing to fear but fear itself

Chronic worrying and fear can be very destructive to ourselves and others around us. That's why there is "nothing to fear but fear itself", because of the damage and chaos it creates. It would be much more productive to immediately shift your focus from what you are worried about to spending your resources, energy and time on the things you have control. This will put you in a more favorable position and increase the chance of achieving the desired outcome or goal, eliminating fear in the process.

Check out the short clip created by Goalcast by clicking on the link below

Will Smith - Face your fears

We can be happy with very little

If you are forced to work more, drifting further away from spending time with your family, so you can acquire more money to pay for the things (luxury) you can do without- then many miseries and anxieties will follow. If you have wealth- good! But the truth is, we can still be happy with very little and live well, without becoming slaves to luxury, depending on it or becoming addicted to it.

Find a way to make it work

During our lifetime, we are bound to experience obstacles that get in our way or subjected to conditions and situations that are imperfect. What will you think and do? Wait for a perfect setup, make it excuses for not getting the important job done, or have a victim-mindset and constantly complain about your new problem? Alternatively, you can respond to this challenging situation like a stoic, by taking it as an opportunity to learn and find a way to make it work regardless of the circumstances. Become pragmatic and adaptable.

We have an obligation

We humans, have a higher obligation- to be of service and render work  for the common good. This is our natural purpose. This is why we naturally feel a sense of great satisfaction and fulfillment when we get to help our family, another person, the society, and the country. Although we are literally just a tiny speck in the universe, each of us have the potential power to make a significant difference to the world we live in.

Being congruent with your values

A speaker at a conference once said, "contradiction leads to destruction. The level of destruction is proportionate to the level of contradiction." Does your behavior and actions align with your words- the values you claim to care about?

If you say you value and care about health, but haven't exercised for decades, then...
If you say you value financial security, but like to do more shopping rather than saving and investing, then...
I think you can guess the 'destructive' outcome in the above examples that I'm sure we can all relate to.

However, being congruent with your values will ultimately lead to a happier and more fulfilled life. You can't put a price on that!

Learn with humility

An overconfident person tends to create bad habits like skipping the basic lessons and ignoring the fundamentals. This often leads to him falling flat on his face with embarrassment and shame or making a costly mistake. The person who learn with humility often has his full potential realized. Learn everything you can, train and grow- be it mastering a new exercise routine, being an effective communicator, or investing.